no letting go

you lose your bones, you feel no pain, you find them again, the feeling returns.  today i couldn't walk fast enough to get through the social streets.  i wanted to walk in emptiness, no reflection in passing glass, no need to scowl or look away.  my clothes felt oppressive, holding me in the worst way.  i should know what this means, instead i've downloaded an application.  can't be trusted today and should sleep. 
no letting go, is making me tired.  just should let the current take me, but am of course frightened by the loss of control.  the illusion that there's any control anyway.  there isn't.  just all the mistakes collected and collated, stapled and handed in.  the successes sweet and transparent, fleeting. 
the deadening feeling closing in, the doing of the dishes.  what what what what what
music is waiting, always waiting, words gather.  you lose your bones, you feel no pain.  til it rises again and the feeling returns. 
a little worried my cat jumps out the window.
wool-gather, fluff, worry.