try again later

Today I've been on a dive.  Maybe not enough sleep.  Maybe rain, but like I wanna clock perfect strangers on the subway with a backpack I'm not even carrying.  Maybe seven strangers, I wanted to clock.  Guy sitting across three seats on a crowded train.  Why should I care except the self-centeredness makes me burn.  I guess it's just a day where I am seeing the underside.  Not every day can happen on 15 hours of sleep and be propped up by a dozen miracles over twenty minutes.  And plus today might even improve. But for now, it's a dive.  Here in half light, wishing for a changeup.  Last night I saw the darkest film (Christiane F).  It was slow to reveal its utter heave.  I knew it was to be gritty, and at first it also seemed luminescent, but over the garment of the thing, just became clear it was a bad down.  But worth it, how I am still thinking of it.  Toward the end of it, I couldn't put up with a single human, nor myself.  Barely managed to return Die Hard and pick up some strong beer and chips at the bodega.  Got a full tank and some chips, kept repeating in my head, at least I was on the right track. 
If I could now I'd go sleep this off, try and burn whatever this is off with hot water in a mug, in the tub, in some broth.  I thought writing would do it but I can still see the ground approaching far beneath me.